Screw Helping Others

Part 1

Subject: Self-sufficient, Success

By Victor Antonio

Now, before you delete this email based on such a rude and unconscionable title, I beg for your indulgence and ask you to read this whole article before sending me hate mail. 

A few weeks ago I was invited to speak at university in Florida on the topic of Leadership and Success.  I did my keynote based on my book The Logic of Success (get your free copy at my site by signing up for the newsletter).  My message has five key elements: 

a)      L-isten to what you want to do and not what others ‘suggest’ you do

b)      O-vercome the fear of failure; it happens to the best of us

c)      G-oals are important, set them and keep them

d)      I-nitiate action and stop sitting on your “southside”

e)      C-ommunicate to others what you do and you'll attract people who'll help you

All five elements are essential to achieving success.  But you can’t begin your route to success unless you LISTEN to what it is you want to do.  The more you ignore your inner ambition and drive, the more you will frustrate yourself and your path to success.  A lot of people ignore what they want and place other’s needs in front of their own.  This notion may be seem noble on the surface, but are you being fair to yourself?

After my presentation, a woman approached me about my point of view on success.  She went on to read me the riot act in her own gentle way on how she’s going back to school at 43, has 3 kids and would be happy just to make ends meet.   She added that she respected my point of view but took the opportunity to remind me that when you have a lot of bills and responsibilities, it’s difficult to think about being successful.

I nodded respectfully and then asked her, “What are you studying?”

She replied, “Nursing.”

“Nursing?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Do you like nursing?”

 

“Yeah, I think it’s Ok.”

 

“Why nursing?” I asked.

All of a sudden her face turn a light shade of red before my eyes.  She had this look of indignation as if to say, “How dare you question my motives?” 

“Well, because it’s a noble profession and I thought it would be a good way of helping other people.” She shot back.

I stared at her plainly as my brain screeched to an immediate halt.  I didn’t know how to respond.  Let’s take a moment and run her statement through the “LOGICon Filter”.  

Processing >>>

Here’s a middle age mother who is going back to college to study a profession (Good for her) that doesn’t pay well, yet her biggest concern is not being able to make ends meet, but helping others.  She has three kids who will one day themselves need to go to college and by the time they do tuition will be at an all-time high.  When I asked if she like being a nurse, I got the ‘Yeah, I think it’s Ok.’ response. 

Let’s do the math.  Here’s how I added this conversation up in my head: 

1)      she really isn’t passionate about what she’s doing,

2)      she picked a major that doesn’t pay well and

3)      her only justification for choosing a nursing major was because she wanted to help others. 

It’s the last statement that drives me nuts.  Why, why, why do I keep running across people who say they want to help others, when they’re incapable of HELPING THEMSELVES? 

This is my frustration when I speak at events.  People come up to me afterwards trying to convince me how their profession is ‘noble’ and morally superior to the grotesque notion of simply doing it for the money. (i.e., making a living and paying the bills).  Yet, these very same people, when I engage them in an in-depth conversation, confess to me that they can’t make ends meet in their own lives.  They have debt up to their eyeballs, yet they still want to help others.  I ask again, “How can you help someone else when you can’t even help yourself?”

If you want to help others, that’s FINE, but you must first be in a position to help yourself.  When you’re financially, emotionally and physically stable, then you are in a position to share your knowledge, and wealth if you choose, to help others succeed and overcome adversity.  You CAN’T guide people through and past their adversity when you yourself are in the thick of it.  This is hypocritical.

I have a “platinum rule” I follow; listen only to people who are as, if not more, successful than I am.  I listen to people who practice what they preach.  I listen to people who have learned to control and manage their sphere of influence to create affluence.

If you’re doing something to “help others” but can’t help yourself, I suggest that you immediately print this message below and paste it somewhere where you can see it every day.

I CAN’T HELP OTHERS, UNTIL I HELP MYSELF.

ONLY THEN WILL I BE IN A POSITION TO HELP OTHERS.

My wish for you is that you find a profession or career that you enjoy doing.  So much so, that you become invaluable.  So invaluable are you that people pay you well and appreciate your work.  And so rich and grateful are you for such a wonderful profession, that you are now in a position to help others who are less fortunate.  This is the ultimate win-win scenario.  This is what I want for you.

As for the student mentioned above, I did my best to encourage her to focus on ‘her’ before attempting to help others.  To which she responded, “I’ll think about it.” 

To which I answered, “That’s a start.” as she walked away.

Screw helping others,…until you are able to help yourself.  Then and only then, should you help others.

In PART 2 of this article, I will illustrate how helping yourself results in helping others.

Please share this article with a friend who may need a word of inspiration.

Copyright © 2005 by Victor Antonio   All rights reserved.  This article MAY be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, as long as the author’s name, website and email address are included as part of the article’s body.  All inquiries, including information on electronic licensing, should be directed to Victor Antonio.