Leadership is Trust

Trust Yourself to Trust Others

Subject: Leaders, Leadership, Trust

By Victor Antonio

At the end of July we decided to move from Miami to Atlanta.  I went to Atlanta early to do some reconnaissance and pick out a house. My wife trusted me enough since I’d picked the previous home and she was quite satisfied with my choice.

My real estate agent Tom, who I found via the web, took me on a two day, 40 house marathon. On the second day just before giving up, I found OUR house. I couldn’t believe. It was perfect.  That same evening after getting back to the hotel Tom call, “Victor, I just found out someone else is putting a bid on the house tomorrow.”

“No way!” I thought. “I can’t lose this house.”

The following day as I drove back to Miami Tom was hard at work preparing the paperwork for us to put in a bid as well. By mid-day the bid was in. The next morning I get the news; the other couple got the house.  As those cowboys use to say, “I was feeling lower than a snake’s belly crawling in a wagon track.” (Or something like that).

So the end of July comes, we close on the house in Miami and move into a corporate apartment in Atlanta while we search for a new house. This time my wife and I would be able to pick one out together; which was OK with me since I was still licking my wounds from the first loss. (Note: we men are so competitive and we hate losing)

We looked at a lot of house but my wife seemed fixed on one. I wasn’t sold on it. I think part of me was still comparing it to the one I lost earlier. But my wife was insistent. She kept saying, “That’s the one.”   Still not convinced we kept looking.

Day 2 my wife wanted to go back and look at her choice again. I was still lukewarm on the choice. My wife kept pointing out the subtle features I had neglected.

“Nope. I’m not sold.” I told her.

Day 3 comes and we go look at more house. Tom the real estate agent is being very patient. He called this day “affirmation day”; a curious term. Tom said, “What we’re going to do is go look at some of the houses you’ve rejected and reaffirm why you rejected them.”   So on Day 3 we went out to confirm what we didn’t want. And again, my wife said, let’s go look at my choice again. She kept insisting.

To make a long story short, we went ahead and purchased her choice. I was mentally exhausted by this time and I was caving in, and quick.  I didn’t hate the house, I just got to a point where my brain was fried. I was tired of making decisions, so I made one final decision; TRUST my wife’s instincts to pick the right house.

Fast Forward >>>

Well, I hate to say it, but my wife knew exactly what she was talking about. Only NOW do I appreciate all the small things I didn’t see before; inside and out. Inside I’ve learned to appreciate the size of the rooms, access, convenience and the distribution of space. Outside the home got better. The schools for our kids are less than 2 miles; no highways. Every restaurant type and store you can imagine is within 3 miles maximum. The neighborhood is peaceful ALL day; even in the evenings.

I learned two very important things from this experience that I’d like to share with you.

Lesson 1: If you keep comparing what you’ve lost, with what you can have, you’ll never be satisfied.

In business and life in general we can’t keep looking back at what we had. Things change, life goes on and you incur losses along the way. Successful people have learned to let go of what they no longer possess and open their arms (and minds) to what is offered in the present.

I couldn’t get past the loss of the first house and I was still comparing. I couldn’t decide because my head was still looking in the past and not the present circumstance. In life it should be considered a crime to have a ‘rear view mirror’ while driving, I mean living.

Lesson 2: Sometimes we need to trust others, who have our best interest in mind, to make decisions for use when we can’t.

We need to learn how to listen to others who may have a point of view or opinion even though it may differ with ours. You know,…there’s always that possibility that your solution isn’t the best.

Ultimate Leadership Lesson: Trust yourself to trust others (read that again). The next time you’re so bent on ‘having it your way’ ask yourself, “Am I so set in my old ways that I’m not willing to consider a new point of view?” Or, “Is there something this person sees, that I don’t?”

Let go! You may be surprised at the outcome.

Victor Antonio

p.s., The greatest benefit of all was having my wife make the decision. We all like to call the shots at one time or another. This time, it was her time and I know she feels good about how RIGHT she was. And I’m OK with that!

Please share this article with a friend who may need a word of inspiration.